​Hi guys! I’m QB, the one who studied microbiology for a reason she still doesn’t know 😁. Anyway, this is my first post and it’s about something that has been on the tip of my tongue for a looooooong time. It’s gonna be a long read, so sorry in advance :|. Plus like i said,  it’s my first post so be gentle 😇. Enjoy!  

Okay so,  the first thing that came to my mind when I saw this guy was, ‘and this one is supposed to be somebody’s boyfriend o’ just negodu! How can a full grown okenye a.k.a agbaya, be going on the road, and you believe he has a direction o, because at that stage of your life if you’re not a vector quantity (ehen! I’ll catch those of you who weren’t paying attention in physics class) ―with magnitude and direction, what are you really doing in this life? 😐

But how can you honestly say that someone has magnitude and direction when he stops midstride on the road like he received a call from the gods and then turns to the nearest stinking wide open gutter and then opens his you-know-what and starts to PEE!!! 😨 As in, and he’s not acting. It is a real life wee-wee!  In the wide open! With everybody passing by!! Under the blue sky and golden sun!!! Where is that done for heaven’s sake bikonu?! 😐

Dear boys, the gutters are wailing. They’ve had it up to here ― literally and metaphorically. Just stop it. For the love of God, STOP! 😩

It’s not a definition of masculinity, it’s not fresh, talk more of safe. Don’t you see those slimy green things and those other things you can’t see that can crawl into your you-know-what? So WHY OH WHY do you guys keep doing this? 😱😭

I don’t even want to imagine how many hands I’ve shaken that just came out of… 😵*shudders*. Don’t do it, QB, don’t! You’ll hurt yourself. Okay, I won’t, before I make a vow never to shake any living man born of a woman ever again. *shudders some more* Moving on…

I’ve said it, no son of mine that I carried in my womb for nine months and backed on my back for three years, son that i sucked catarrh out of his nose with my mouth and breastfed for how many years will ever betray me by embarrassing me, his father (his father can’t even try it, if not straight to the guest room. I’m not about to share a bed with a public tinkler. Eww!), and his future household by peeing in public. Dat kyn thing can’t happen biko. You can’t do that na! So far moi, QueenBee alias QB, am your mother, o ma mme! Ko jo biko!

And you know the most annoying aspect of the whole thing is that most of these boys are coming from houses, buildings, structures etc., and you won’t believe it but these places actually come with toilets.

But will they use it? Nope! Heaven forbid they use a toilet. I mean, why use a clean, white, beautiful, sterile toilet when there are awesomely stinking, perfectly putrid, utterly disgusting gutters with mouths open wide for their tinkle (pardon the mental picture but you just have to see it that way). Makes perfect sense!😒 *rolls eyes*

I don’t know what goes on in the minds of these Homo sapiens species when they do these things. I think that somewhere in their minds they must feel like they are doing the earth a favour. Like it’s their sole responsibility to donate a part of themselves (in this case, their urine) for the greater good, like a sacrifice to mother earth in return for all that she has blessed them with. 

Well, no! Mother Nature isn’t very interested in your urine transplant. And frankly, I’m tired of accidentally seeing some things I’d rather not have seen.😫 I want to be able to tell my husband that I haven’t seen any you-know-what before, and actually be saying the truth. Is that too much to ask?😱

 Don’t you guys know every time you do this rubbish  thing, someone out there is risking a pornography addiction? As if Nigerian music videos are not enough. That was meant to be taken seriously actually.

But really guys, jokes apart, stop this thing. It’s not right at all! It doesn’t make mama proud at all. If I was President ehn, any okenye I find (in case you were wondering, that includes any boy from the age of “can walk and open my zipper by myself”) doing that nonsense, I will have a doctor seal up his urethra for life.😬 

Shebi the Bible says that if your right hand should offend you, you should cut it off? Ehn, your urethra is offending me, I should cut it off. But then in my usual good natured self, I’m sealing it up, not cutting it off *winks*. 
At least, look at the bright side, you never have to pee ever again and our gutters will finally be free from violation. Works for everybody!😁

So please, dear boys, the gutters have had it up to here. For the love of God, please stop. If you’re an atheist, then for the love of your foolishness, please just stop!

Live and let live. Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Gutters Rights Activist – QB ✊

10 thoughts on “From the Gutters 

  1. Hmmmmn…. I’m gonna be nice cos you asked and I’m a gentleman. However, madam… It’s not only guys that urinate in public (although they form the majority) but women do too and theirs is more irritating and annoying or haven’t you seen women showing their skills (one leg up or two legs forward like they are learning ballet) at different gutters or behind an abandoned vehicle and for the record, those green slimy things in the gutters don’t climb up the ‘you know what’. So urinating in public is actually not cool but have you ever been pressed and the closest option is a public toilet where you are sure to be infected with countless viral diseases but the gutter is more sterile and safe.. My dear, at those moments the gutter becomes a 5 star restroom. So the conclusion of the matter is ‘Public urination is not cool whether male or female’. Nice write up tho. Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😂😂😂😂… I know right?!!!… I totally get. Thanks for agreeing with me, however subtly and diplomatically. And yea i know ladies do too. Very annoying stuff.😒 But it’s sweeter to diss guys. 😜😀And i know that the gutters are better than some public toilets.
      Anyway, thanks for the feedback and thanks for being a gentleman. It’s really appreciated. 😀 I hope it didn’t strike a chord. *hugs*

      Like

    1. 😁😁😁 ehn… Hold on just a little longer, help is on the way… 😁 or you guys should gaan do your business in space where nobody will see you! 😁

      Thanks for the feedback though. Prosper! *hugs*

      Like

  2. Queen bee be dropping something solid…not pee tho. Quite insightful and with Fun subtly educating folks. The admitting to seeing no other something apart from the husband’s tripped me…still rolling from laughter oh! We will not take licks in gutters again so your claims be honest…#MartianOut

    Liked by 1 person

  3. plix i want to wee wee…. lovely write up! educative and funny
    but really when guys are pressed the gutters keeps whispering “take a pee, take a pee” lol…..no excuses tho…lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 😂😂😂 thanks Ikezy! But then if alligator or crocodile say you should come and be calling you, “uncle, come and piss” shey you wee go?

    Thanks for the feedback though. Prosper! *hugs*

    Like

  5. Ladies do it as well, and that can be really embarassing. However, I maintain that guys make up the greater percentage. You’ll need to be in Uyo to share my fury when some men respond to the ‘gutter call’. Can they spell p-r-i-v-a-c-y? Oh well….whether it’s in your line of vision or not they must not miss the call.

    Like

  6. Finally someone has voiced out on the pains some gals like me experience when we just decide to take a stroll, especially when that is the first thing you encounter on coming out of your house. #mtcheew.
    Though some females disgrace us by either allowing their young sons do this or they engage in the act themselves. It is just plain sad.

    Anyway love the write up, keep it up!!!

    Like

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